Monday, July 11, 2011

Frustrating to stay here

Today I just feel pissed off. Its damn hell fucking and frustrating to stay at my own house after getting married. I thought nothing will change after marriage at-least the relationship with my own parents. But wrong.. I have to correct ma mind now. This is the bloody Indian system that once a girl gets married even her parents considers that their daughter belongs to her husband’s family. Initially I was feeling a bit hard to get adjusted to my husband’s family. To be frank I always felt more concern and priorities towards my parents than my husbands. Now this is the time I have to re-consider my priorities.

My house is so near to my office and I have no option other than staying at my own home. And with in few days even Das will also fly to abroad and it is very difficult for me to take another house and stay there alone with my baby appointing a nanny for ma little one. But staying at ma home is like losing ma self respect. Nothing is so difficult as staying at my own home. Here I can’t speak out, cant express my feelings, cant open up ma decisions bloody hell. Frustrating and annoying.

Here the decision maker is Dad well that’s well accepted and I don’t have any problem. But there is a limit to everything. I don’t like interfering in my family matters especially in my and das personal matters. When it comes to finance they want everything separate okay I can understand that. But its like I don’t have any value here my hubby doesn’t have any value. As if we don’t have any self respect. They are taking as for granted. I feel like hell to stay here.

Many times my own dad tells to me like this is my house if anyone has to leave here then have to live according to my discretion and wish. Yes this is not my house anymore, I also feel like that now… not my house… not anymore and who the fuck wanns to live here, as if I am dying to live here. My dad just said it more than 100 times to me and my sis. I feel like I got imprisoned in jail. Normally these kinds of things are said my in-laws. But when I compare I am blessed to get a good in laws. They don’t even utter a single word and if they do so ma husband reacts badly. At-least there my husband have some value and becoz of him I have value in his house. They think twice before saying to me because I am wife of their son. My decisions have value there; they take my word before concluding to any decision.

I wann to get separated from ma house. I am just praying and waiting hard to get an opportunity to go from here. I hope das will get settled where he’s going and take me and my baby along with him as soon as possible. I wish I could go with him now.

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